Maybe the classroom was too warm, or the conversation at the office meeting not interesting and you found your attention drifting elsewhere.  Your thoughts began to dwell your plans for later that day, or plans that weekend, or even something more interesting outside the window. 

Then, you hear your name mentioned! 

You’re asked a question, or asked to perform, but you haven’t been listening! 

Oh no, you weren’t paying attention and were caught!

We’ve all been in this situation at one time or another. 

Why does our mind wander?

How can we focus and actively listen?

Listening is essential for effective communication. Without effective listening skills, information isn’t accurately understood, and messages may be misconstrued resulting in a communication breakdown and frustration. When you pay attention, you receive the correct information and can ask clarifying questions to gain more knowledge on the topic.

On a personal level, actively listening to others builds rapport and trust. The speaker feels heard, and when concerns or ideas are acknowledged it encourages confidence and further sharing and cooperation.

Why is listening difficult?

I recall listening to a presentation where the speaker would repeat things three or four times. I wondered why he would structure his talks this way. The speaker made a point to repeat himself to drive a point into the listeners memory, even if those listening are distracted.

As it turns out, there is a difference between the average rate of speaking, and the average rate of listening comprehension. Average speech rates are between 125 – 175 words a minute and listening comprehension is an average of 400 – 800 words a minute. Due to this disparage, the mind may wander because it processes information far faster than verbal speech can be delivered. The mind becomes bored and distracted while waiting. 

This is why its common that when a speaker starts talking, we listen to a few points, then start thinking about what we will say in reply.

Active listening requires concentrated mental and physical effort and focus. 

Actively listening involves not only absorbing the story, but how it is told, the tone of voice, and the other persons body language. It means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. 

When we’re preparing to listen, we have to tune into ourselves first. Try to quiet your mind and bring your attention to your surroundings and whats happening around you. Tune into your feelings and expectations; think about and process them before talking and listening.

When there’s noise, personal feelings, and distraction, we don’t have the mental and emotional aptitude to listen.

How to become a better listener:

• Focus on the speaker.
  Take note of your thoughts for reference later.
  
• Ask questions to gain more understanding.
• Paraphrase what you heard, to clarify what was said.
  This also shows the speaker you were paying attention.
• Pay attention to whats behind the words – the feelings, the needs and implications.
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues including eye contact, body language and facial expressions.
• Ignore external distractions
  

Often when you really listen, you can hear the true needs of the speaker. Because of this, those who listen carefully have better personal relationships than others. Those who are heard tend to be less defensive, more open in their thinking, and feel comfortable sharing more. Being a good listener fosters an environment of inclusiveness which is the most effective way to bring about positive growth and change.