What is forgiveness? Sometime I think it’s easier to understand what it is to not forgive than to forgive. It’s easy to point your finger and feed the resentment towards someone who has wronged you. But, what is it to forgive?

To forgive is a shift in thinking toward someone who has wronged you. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of the desire for revenge and anger toward the person and sometimes even shift to feelings of goodwill.

Forgive is based on the latin root “perdonare” which means to give completely without reservation.

With that in mind, when you forgive you give a gift of freedom to yourself. When you play scenarios of revenge over and over, it’s easy to become consumed by it. These thoughts are very painful. Also, berating yourself for what happened for whatever reason: naivety, ill-timing, gullibility, what-have-you, just brings more pain.

Forgive yourself.
Forgive the other person.

The first step is to just be willing – be willing to forgive.

Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing. Forgiveness does not minimize, justify, or excuse the wrong that was done. You don’t have to keep that person in your life, or trust them again. But, if you do choose to keep them in your life, they will have to build trust again over time.

Forgiveness is also a natural resolution of grieving, which is the necessary acknowledgment of pain and loss. This process takes time. It takes time to reflect on what happened, to decide how you want to think about it, and how you wish to proceed with the relationship or situation. Often, time reveals more information about the situation and this can dramatically change your outlook.

Forgiveness is a powerful choice you can make which can lead to healthier relationships now and in the future.